How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 10)

How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 10)

“The Remus Vote”

It’s been quite a while, but my Romanian friend, Remus, and I finally found time to sit down for a beer to talk about the election.

“Remus! Remus! Over here!”

“Hey there, my friend. Sorry I’m late. But parking was a nightmare. And then I got all caught up in some stupid protest out there.”

“That’s ok. How are you?”

“I’m ok, I guess. Just really annoyed.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, that protest really ticked me off. I mean, why do they have to make things even worse out there? Traffic’s bad enough as it is.”

“I’m not sure where you mean.”

“Near Universitatii. There’s a big crowd out there complaining about lines in Paris or London or someplace. I was in Paris once, there were always long lines. Everywhere.  What’s new about that?” (more…)

How Not to Interview the President

Allow me to revisit my short comment from the other day about Romania Libera’s interview with President Basescu. It seems that based on some questions and comments I received, it might be best if I clarify what I meant.

Yes, any interview with the president is important. What the president says is important. It is perhaps appropriate to run a transcript of his comments as if he was being deposed. But if you conduct an interview with the president and you cannot derive a headline of news from his comments, then I fear the conclusion must be that you’ve asked the wrong questions.

There must be something he is planning that will make news. Your job is to uncover what it is before it happens. You cannot do that, however, if all your questions (as they were) were essentially asking what he believes, or what he thinks about various issues.

I know no one who cares what President Basescu thinks. That is not meant as an insult. It’s not because what he thinks is not relevant, and sometimes even interesting, but because it is not what he thinks, but what he plans to do that is at issue.

He is an elected politician who has the power, given to him by the public, to do things. He is not a scholar, an author, a philosopher, a theologian, a professional thinker of any kind who fascinates us and whose very thoughts and perspectives will change the way we see the world.

He is not even Lady Gaga or Brad Pitt, who have no particular power except the influence of personality and celebrity. I might care – sometimes – what Jay-Z thinks about lowering the tax on bread. President Basescu, however, I do not. He is a public servant who is paid to do things, so I care not what he thinks, but what he plans to do about those taxes.

If you say perhaps I misunderstand, the president here doesn’t really have the power to do anything, then I suggest you ask him what he intends to try to do and how. If he doesn’t even have the power to attempt anything, then I would question whether the interview was even worth conducting.

Look at it this way: If President Basescu says he believes everybody should be happy, and thinks Romania and Moldova should have one big beer bash, and we should stop all the arms dealers, and let women run the country, and the whole world should sit around the campfire and sing Kumbaya – that’s just lovely, but I don’t really care. Wake me when he says how he intends to do it. Now that will be news.

Yes, it is very hard to write a strong lede from “President Basescu said yesterday he thinks…” as opposed to “President Basescu said yesterday he will…”

Maybe that’s why there was no story and hard lede about the content of the interview. (That was my criticism in the blog posting on Monday.) Perhaps, in fact, there was no hard news to be found in all those things the president thinks.

Now, I concede that sometimes what a politician believes, or thinks, or knows, is important. Mostly if he’s not yet elected, it can be important what he believes to indicate what he might do when he takes office. What he knew and when he knew about a subject can also be important to determine on what information he acted, or if not, then why not.

But it’s the action, not the thinking, that’s ultimately of importance.  Once elected, while you can ask a politician what he believes, it’s only in the follow-up (“So what will you do?”) that the real news is made. And if they give a “no comment,” the reporter might laugh, but they never should shrug. You follow up with a question that will provoke an answer, because if the question was important enough to ask the first time, then isn’t it important enough to push for an answer?

No, I fear the saddest part is that as long as reporters here ask the politicians what they think, what they fear, what they hope, what they believe, why they’re great, and why the other guy is not – and not what they will do – the media here is failing in its role. They are more part of the game than its watchdog or critic, enabling the same tired name-calling and rhetoric and sophistry that is so destructively – and unproductively – practiced by this country’s politicians.

Finally, a suggestion: At one of the newspapers I worked for, we had a News Editor, or front-page editor, who was third in command after the Executive Editor and the Managing Editor. Everyday, just before lunch, in the middle of the newsroom, he would publicly review that day’s front page, complimenting this story or criticizing that headline. It was a delicate process, and at times very painful, but over time reporters and editors began to see what was expected and how to improve.

This perhaps, I suggest, would be useful to reporters and editors here, to review what they did and to see the missed opportunities and to congratulate those who did a good job. Because good stories do happen here, just not often enough. And if journalists aren’t tough enough to take some brutal criticism, the kind they like to write about others, then they’re merely writers, not journalists, and they’re in the wrong business.

How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 10)

How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 4)

[Originally published March 5, 2013, in Dilema Veche.]

“I don’t know. But let me tell you.”

I met my Romanian friend Remus for a drink the other night. When he invited me, he sounded very excited.

“There you are! Hello, Remus.”

“Hello, my friend.”

“Hey, are you ok?”

“I don’t know. But let me tell you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“You look awful.”

“I know.”

“You haven’t shaved in days.”

“Three. I know.”

“And you’re wearing a ratty t-shirt and an old baggy jacket.”

“Yes. I know.”

“Is there something wrong?”

“No, not at all.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“I’m going to be on TV. They asked me to comment on the news. I need to get ready. I’m very excited.”

“That’s how you get ready?”

“Of course. Everyone important goes on looking like this. It shows we don’t care.”

“Really? You don’t care?”

“Of course, I care. Don’t be silly. That’s why I look like this. They have beautiful women on those shows.”

“Yes, well, I don’t think that’s the point.”

“No? Maybe you’re right.”

“Still, you must be excited.”

“Do you think my belly’s big enough?”

“Now, Remus, don’t be mean. But you seem a bit nervous.”

“Actually, I am. A little bit nervous.”

“I understand. You’re not sure what to say. You want to sound smart. But I’m sure….”

“No, don’t be silly. That doesn’t matter.”

“Then what is it?”

“I just need to practice. I need to get ready.”

“All right. I’ll help. What is the topic?”

“I have no idea.”

“But they asked you to be there. You must know the topic.”

“I don’t know. But let me tell you.”

“What?”

“The topic doesn’t matter.”

“But Remus, I’m sure they’ll want you to talk.”

“Of course, I’ll talk. This is my big chance. I plan to talk a lot. What does it matter what the topic is?”

“How will you know what to say?”

“I don’t know. But let me tell you.”

“What?”

“I’ll say whatever I think. They told me it doesn’t matter what I say.”

“Well, we can probably figure it out. Which show asked you to come?”

“I don’t remember. Why does it matter?”

“Well, Remus, to begin with, how will you know where to go.”

“Oh, they said they’ll call me again. So I guess it’s either the one where we all sit around a table like we’ve just finished a big dinner and we scratch our bellies and just talk with each other the way we would after a few drinks as if we were sitting in our kitchen.”

“Yes, it might be that one.”

“Or maybe it’s the one where the host acts like a high school teacher and draws things on a board and points to things on a big TV wall like he’s lecturing a class and everyone watching prefers to stare out the window because no one wants to be there but they’re not allowed to leave.”

“Yes, I suppose it could be that…”

“Or maybe it’s the one with the ventriloquist. I like that one a lot.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You know, the one with the puppet. With that guy who looks real.”

“No, I don’t know which that is.”

“Sure, you do. It’s popular. The one where his mouth is moving but someone else speaks. It’s really amazing. You can’t even see strings.”

“Remus, you’re confused. That host is not a puppet. That host is a man.”

“Noooooooo.”

“Yes, he is. He’s a human.”

“Nooooooo, my friend. You mean that he’s REAL!? I thought it’s pretend. That it was someone else speaking!!”

“Yes, well, sometimes…”

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m not sure which one invited me. I’ll find out when I get there.”

“And you really think it’s a good idea?”

“Of course, the women are beautiful!”

“Yes, I know, you already said that, but I’m not sure that…”

“And I’ll be famous and important!”

“Remus, honestly, maybe to yourself and a few others who…”

“I just need to decide.”

“Decide about what?”

“Which side I’m on.”

“Well, which side do you believe is the best?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll be for Basescu. HAI, ROMANIA!”

“Umm, Remus, that wasn’t Basescu. That was…”

“The Prime Minister’s a KITTEN!!”

“Remus, really.”

“By the way, is that good or bad? I always thought kittens were cute.”

“Seriously, Remus, I’m not sure you…”

“And that other guy. You know, that guy’s a NARCOLEPTIC!!”

“Remus, wait…”

“Do you really think it’s true? He shoplifts hard drugs?”

“Remus, stop. That’s not what it means. That’s klepto…”

“Or maybe I’m for Ponta. HEY! AT LEAST HE DIDN’T PUNCH A KID IN THE FACE!”

“Well, actually…”

“By the way, is he PSL or USD? I can never remember.”

“Remus, that’s enough. Really. Besides, it’s PSD and…”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter. I’ll just be anti-Hungarian. That’s always safe.”

“Well, you might, but be careful. Don’t you know that…?”

“I don’t know. But let me tell you.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. But let me tell you.”

“Remus, why do you keep saying that?”

“I don’t know. But let me tell you.”

“Yes, PLEASE tell me!

“I’m just practicing.”

“Practicing what?”

“That’s the way everyone begins.”

“Begins what?”

“Begins their answers. Because no one really knows.”

“What do you mean?”

“No one knows the topic so instead of looking stupid, the trick is to admit it. But then you have to say something so you go on from there.”

“I know it seems that way, Remus, but sometimes they get people who actually know about the subject and then the discussion goes on and…and…Remus?…did I say something funny?”

“No, no, no. Go ahead and keep talking.”

“What I was saying is that sometimes they get experts to discuss some sort of topic and then the conversation goes from one to the other and they can debate and …see…and…wait, Remus, really, is there something funny here I’m missing?”

“No, no, no. Go on.”

“But why are you smiling? I thought maybe something was funny.”

“Oh, no, sorry, nothing is funny. I’m just practicing my smile.”

“Practicing your smile? What smile is that?”

“It’s called being silently decisive.”

“Remus, do you mean derisive?”

“Yes, it’s a little smile that they do. This way I dismiss your existence without saying a word.”

“It looks more like a smirk. It’s a little bit creepy.”

“That’s why I need practice.”

“Well, be careful with that. You don’t want to look stupid just sitting there smiling.”

“Oh, that doesn’t matter. That’s how it’s done.”

“Ok, as I was saying, sometimes they …YOU ARE… get intelligent people…A BASSIST!… who have experience in topics…A BASSIST!!!….to say something…THAT’S JUST NOT TRUE!!!…intelligent and insightful EXCUSE ME!!! IF I COULD PLEASE!!! Remus! Remus! Stop!!

“NOW what’s the matter?”

“Remus, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you shouting at me?”

“Sorry.”

“I’m trying to…OH, THAT’S JUST A LIE!!!….explain that….SIR SIR SIR!!! HA! HA! HA!…Ok, Remus, I give up. Why are you interrupting me?”

“I told you I need practice.”

“Practice what?”

“It would be better if you were a woman. We enjoy that much more.”

“Remus, I don’t think I like…”

“Yes, go ahead.”

“I was saying, I don’t think I like this idea of you going on TV. You are usually so kind. So polite. So good at conversation. I remember the time when you and I were sitting in that café and you asked me what I thought about the future of Romania and we had such a good conversation and you were laughing. Remember? Remus? Remus? Excuse me, are you reading your phone?”

“I don’t know. But let me tell you.”

“Now stop that!”

“What did you ask”

“Are you reading your phone?”

“Yes, of course.”

“But I was in the middle of talking.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Then why would you do that?”

“Because it’s your turn to talk.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I need to show that I’m not listening. To show everyone I don’t care.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because if I can show I don’t care, that means I won.”

“Won what?”

“The argument, of course. Whatever it was.”

“But if you do that, isn’t that…?”

(RING beep RING beep RING beep)

“Is that your phone ringing?”

“Yes.”

“Did you just call yourself?”

“Of course.”

“Why would you do that?”

“It makes me important.”

“Remus, no! It’s just rude!”

“No, my friend, you don’t understand.”

“I do understand. You were invited by the station to comment on the news. And you’re going to go there and be rude and act stupid!”

“Oh, you’re so old-fashioned. What do I know about the news? Did you notice how beautiful the women are?”

“Remus, I’m confused. I really thought that…NOW WAIT A SECOND SIR!….you were going to….HAHAHAHA, THAT’S NOT WHAT PONTA….go on TV and talk….OH YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!”

“Remus, stop …I DON’T KNOW…that please. It’s very ….BUT LET ME TELL YOU!!….annoying.”

“Remus!! STOP!!”

“But I need to practice.”

“But no, please stop. That’s truly annoying!”

“Annoying?”

“Yes, Remus, yes. You don’t know what you’re talking about! And you’re just being annoying!”

“Really? Perfect! In that case, I’m sure they’ll ask me back!”