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How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 7)
“My car's stuck in traffic.” I was sitting in a café after work waiting for my Romanian friend Remus. He was almost an hour late – so I called him. “Remus, where are you?” “I’m sorry, my friend. I’m on my way.” “You’re almost an hour late.” “Yes, I know.” “Where are you?”...
The Welcome Pain of Dislocation
In a wonderfully unexpected recent concurrence of conversations and thoughts (separated by a few weeks but coincident in memory), I was reminded to share with you a bit of writing from someone very much worth reading. It’s from Occurrence in the Immediate Unreality by Max...
How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 6)
"Remus Unchained" [Even more than my other conversations with Remus, this is essentially verbatim. So you politically correct Americans out there, don’t send me any emails. But, of course, being American, I apologize in advance if this offends anyone.] Remus and I were in the...
Save Our Really Real Reality®
I saw a movie a while ago in which a mouse got crushed. It was funny. I don't remember what movie it was or why it was so funny. What I mostly remember is that some time later, I saw it was not a real mouse but only a computer generated image of a mouse. How disappointing. It’s...
Metrosexual Me
I typically stay away from the topic of fashion in any form at any time with any audience – except perhaps when my inseam is being measured by some 85-year-old Italian tailor at Brooks Brothers in New York. Or maybe when I give my monthly critique, in private, to my wife about...
Scary Movie 6? The Banking Sequel
This almost reads as a parody of what we saw in 2007. A parody because, certainly, we wouldn’t let it happen again. This has to be a joke. Right? And it might even be funny – if it wasn’t true. Here are a few excerpts from The New York Times website this morning [full text,...
Corporate Social Irresponsibility
I am against child abuse. You should be, too. But I’m not sure you are. Not enough anyway. And I want you to care. So to get you to care, I will soon publish photos. Photos of children with disfigured faces, beaten until they are bloodied, swollen and broken. Children with...
How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 5)
“Remus Bank & Trust” I met with my Romanian friend Remus the other day. As you might know, he has been searching for a career that fits his, well, let’s say, his special skills and personality. It looks like he finally found it. "Hello, Remus. How are you, my friend?" "I’m...
haiku for a phone booth
All right, I'm not a poet, but I do get sentimental sometimes. Wires kept phones alive But no longer could survive Just as friends arrived (I know there is nothing unusual about this in Bucharest. But it still makes me smile...
Living Life in Reverse and the Perfection of Joseph Roth
So much of what I see and experience in Romania recalls a history that for Americans is difficult to fathom. The invasions, the wars, the peasants, the kings, the culture, the decay, the refinement. Just by walking the streets of Bucharest and driving the hills and mountains to...
Happy Birthday to Me, Dammit!
If you’re searching for an example to illustrate the difference between Americans and Romanians, you need look no further than at the very different ways we celebrate our birthdays. Yes, it’s almost my birthday. No, I’m not happy. I find the whole thing discomfiting, somewhat...
How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 4)
[Originally published March 5, 2013, in Dilema Veche.] “I don’t know. But let me tell you.” I met my Romanian friend Remus for a drink the other night. When he invited me, he sounded very excited. “There you are! Hello, Remus." "Hello, my friend." "Hey, are you ok?” “I don’t...
Little Lessons on Logos
The creation of a successful logo is a mix of skill, luck, talent, intuition, and hard work. The most important rule, of course, (for almost anything) is “first, do no harm.” You don’t necessarily need to find a perfect shape, color or “feel” that intuitively communicates your...
How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 3)
[Originally published Feb. 22, 2013, in Dilema Veche.] “They can’t do that to us!” My Romanian friend Remus called me the other day. He was upset. Very, very upset. “Have you seen what the British are saying about us?” “Yes, Remus, it’s not very nice.” “Not nice! Are you...
You’re OK, Just Go Away
I love a good argument. And I enjoy seeing protests and people stand up for their beliefs. There is no better way to see the deep flaws in their thinking. So of all the arguments and shouts that occurred last Wednesday at the Museum of the Romanian Peasant, among my favorites...
How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 2)
"We're going to make millions." I was at the office of my Romanian friend Remus the other day. “Hey, look at this,” he said. “I have a great business idea I’ve been working on.” “Ok,” I said. “What is it?” “It’s this website. Take a look.” “That looks good.” “Thanks, it’s...
I’d Like a Time Machine, Please
I want a time machine. Yes, maybe someday I will use it to become rich. But right now, I want it for something much more satisfying. I want to be able to undo my random kind deeds and polite behavior when it turns out the person does not deserve it. You see, I’m tired of...
How I Know I’m Not in New York (Part 1)
“Yes, the food is cold.” Like a power-saving bulb that takes a while to light up, I have only recently realized the similarities of countless conversations I have had since moving to Romania nearly four years ago. Here, in composite form, is one with my Romanian friend Remus....
A Few Recent Days In Bucharest
While walking down the street in Bucharest recently, I got into an argument about politics with a man I had seen on TV. He began to poke me in the chest as he got more and more angry. “Please stop that,” I said. “Stop what?” he replied. “You’re poking me in the chest,” I said....
Christmas Farewell
[Originally broadcast on Dec. 18, 2009, on The Frank Show, here.] As I - as we - close out this year, I feel blessed to be part of this community, this Bucharest, this Romania, to be friends of my few new good friends, to have met people I admire, people I wish I knew better,...